Identity crisis - growing into leadership

"I want to be a fairy." She grinned as she said it. "But not an ordinary one, one with a job, like the tooth fairy".  My little 5 year old had let me know about her future plans as we travelled in the car.

We all have an idea of who we want to be. Its a question that children are asked by teachers and parents and as children we all have kinds of responses. So fairy was an acceptable response for a doting father, especially when followed with a great explanation. As a 17 year old being a teacher was the furtherest thing from my aspirations, and the poor english teacher who suggested it received the type of disrespectful and tactless response that now make me cringe as a teacher. That 17 year old is still there, deep inside. But the 17 year old is mitigated by the love and knowledge of being a father of two,  experience in a range of different industries, and the product of professional development, experience and challenges his early 40's self values.  I have a strong awareness of the teacher I desire to be. What I have come to learn, is that my identity as leader is less clear. It may even be an identity crisis.


My experience of leadership is quite divergent, I'm fortunate to have worked for leaders in a variety of industries, organisations and titles.  These have included General Managers, CEOs, Owners, Principals and Heads of Departments, and to steal a phrase, I believe I've seen the good, the bad and ugly.  My own experience has included leading teams in retail and academic settings.  So it was with eyes wide open that I took on some leadership responsibilities at Hobsonville Point Primary this year.  I recognised that there would be obvious challenges in the range of communication, organisational and emotional demands that come hand in hand with leadership roles. I also anticipated that there was also going to be an element of things that I didn't know. Eyes wide open, but no idea of the leader I really wanted to be.

I spent the holidays reading some introductory documentation and considering goals. Self-knowledge is invaluable, choosing goals to provide some direction in response to what I anticipated was a useful way to walk into 2019 and could be considered in terms of my HBDI profile (shown). However, it was two conversations early that resonated more, possibly even foreshadowing the impending identity crisis.

Meeting with two colleagues socially, I was taken aback when they mentioned the language of love, "Do you know your love language?" they enquired. Surprised by this sudden tangential shift, I stammered out my naïvety. As they explained what it was about how this affects them as teachers I began to see their point, knowing your learners as a leader is just as important as knowing your learners in the classroom. A little professional reading proved enlightening (https://www.5lovelanguages.com/), I could see how love languages and knowing how other teachers functioned could be part of the toolkit. But as my colleagues and I had talked that night one of them shared an important and more serious insight, "Reid, you don't have to always have the answers. Take time if you need it, it will be ok to say you're not sure".

Early in term 1, meeting formally with the leadership team, Daniel began with provocations about positive and negative experiences of leaders we'd had in the past. Three leaders stood out for different aspects I admired, several others provided examples of things I would work hard not to emulate. Reflecting on the positive qualities was somewhat useful, but it was the notion than these people were vastly different in their styles and how they impacted on my own learning.  Like a recipe, it was taking these positives and adding them to the recipe of creating my own leadership style.

The emotional aspects of dealing with people I find extremely challenging. I can be quite a blunt person but have developed a certain resilience alongside this, other experiences being blunt have taught me that if I want to live by the sword, I also have to die by it. Age (and emotional intelligence) has improved this personal trait, but I still find it hard to read body language. The combination of shooting from the lip and not reading body language is unfavourable, especially when talking with colleagues whose own thinking preferences favour emotional responses first. As a tool to help me with empathy and understanding I've read the Elephant in the Staffroom. It definitely helped as it provided an insight into the triggers for teachers in general and framed the emotional responses in several useful ways that I've considered as I've gone through 2019. My own emotional responses (which can be blunt and irrational) require management also, I don't want to jeopardise the working relationships with my colleagues or senior management team. I'm prepared to be collegial and have difficult conversations, but am finding myself taking more and more time to map out conversations in my mind and seek feedback on these conversational maps.  The reading of body language and getting better at just listening has improved (the nail in the head video helped, as did The Elephant In the Staffroom). I certainly hope my abilities with this has improved but only my colleagues could truly tell me if this has improved.

 

What does leading in a collaborative space look like? It certainly does not look like me getting my own way and in fact, if this was the case then I'm sure the students would be missing out. I'm fortunate enough to teach with two other experienced teachers, we all have good self-knowledge but with a fair dose of our own strengths and growth areas it creates a space where there is lots of robust conversation in regards to process, choices and anything and everything that being a teacher encompasses. It is certainly not an echo chamber and nor does it demonstrate a high degree of group think, many conversations require clarification, processing time and at times things have needed to be parked in order that they can be reviewed later. Within this though, I have to admit that delegation/stepping back in some areas continues to be a challenge. Because of the experience that I'm surrounded with I know that some tasks can be completed or led by either or both of my colleagues, learning to let them do that has been a journey, as has asking them to give me some space in order that something else can be completed. Amusingly, my principal has at times asked me if I'm at the point that I need to offload something and I smile and think about the pot and the kettle.

Recently, my own leadership wonderings have been around communication, data and the effectiveness of teams. As I got through my mid-year appraisal, I was challenged to rethink my goals and agreed that I was looking for something gruntier within leadership. Partly based on my own desire to soak in as much as possible, I've been doing far more listening than sharing, especially in leadership meetings. But with an interest in all things technological, a need to develop a more analytical approach to leadership and growing our school capability in reporting, I've decided to focus on building my own capabilities in school-wide and year group level data analysis. We're in the initial years of working with Linc-Ed as a reporting system and school management system. While Linc-Ed has a huge amount of potential, pragmatically it is still a very new system and as such we need to grow our school's intellectual capital with this product. This allows me to develop a better understanding of how the data is informing our school while at the same time learning more about a technological tool, I can pass this knowledge and processing on quickly as I find it relatively easy to upskill with technology.

Collaborative leadership can be challenging in regards to both communication and the effectiveness of teams. Getting the balance of communication correct is essential to moving your team forward, I'm not naive enough to think that this is solely about my leadership but it does bear thinking about. Setting teams up for success in meetings, informal conversations and one-on-ones is crucial and a large part of this requires effective communication. In a full team meeting I've had up to 15 staff, with student teachers present,  and in a collaborative space there is lots of people wanting/expecting to have their say. It's imperative that everyone has a voice in order to encourage buy-in but is this effective? Arguably, it's not, or not all at the same time. Especially when you consider the different personalities, processing, and preferences that are at play. Hence, my beginning feelings about communication. Furthering the need to focus on communication is our school initiating it's 4 minute walk throughs again, this time I'm facilitating teams as they walk through and it is important that I lead and model these reflections appropriately. I've been looking into two different texts as a source of learning, the first Collaborative Leadership, where there is a great section on communication and secondly, The Power of Teacher Rounds to support facilitating the walkthroughs.

During my time at HPPS I've also had the pleasure to meet a number of the staff at Hobsonville Point Secondary and they too have provided all sorts of learning. Many of these Hobsonville Point staff,  both the primary and secondary,  have inspired, challenged,  and given me opportunities I'm very thankful for. At other times though, I sometimes revert to type or back into the familiar (consider the Learning Pit and Dreyfus model) and comfortable, and forget to push forward with my own pedagogy. It is in the continual push forward that I become excited as a teacher, it sparks me with ideas, wonder and awe that I can then transfer into the classroom.


But this brings me to the crux of my identity crisis. Is Reid the teacher, the same as Reid the leader? Are these two people congruent, mutually exclusive or just reflections of each other? Is it ironic that many of the conversations I've had with leaders throughout my time teaching, are the same conversations I've had with others as a leader this year? It has me sometimes questioning the narratives I hear, what would I have meant if I was using the same narrative? Is this what they mean or is there a prevailing discourse that I should consider or coach for? Early in the year I had some quite significant insecurities around leadership, I know that my seniors were aware that I wanted to be seen as capable by others. Not in a deliberate, completely insecure way, but I was fully aware that if my behaviour, language, and all the components of Reid the teacher, role modelled someone who was lacking capability, then it was unlikely that teachers would look to me for support. As 2019 has progressed I've become more comfortable in my own abilities,  while I still suffer from bouts of self-doubt, it is not capability-based. In preparing this blog post, I happened across the Congruence Model again, something I was vaguely familiar with but it led me to the Leadership Shadow diagram and someone else's blog. The model resonates, and the blog that is attached contains many useful reminders of things that have an impact on your leadership shadow. Implicit in the leadership shadow, is the difficulties facing someone in collaborative leadership in a de-privatised classroom, the teacher and the leader can be one and the same, affecting each other no matter how you strive to seperate them.

The Leadership Shadow.
Source: https://futurepacedev.com/your-leadership-shadow/

Amongst my own learning has been the regular observing of a secondary colleague, every time I meet with him I find myself invigorated with an innovative edge. He reminds me of all the things that excite me about teaching, but his ability to transfer this knowledge and expertise and inspire others allows me to believe that the identity of the leader and the teacher do not have to be mutually exclusive. I need to push forward both as a teacher and as a leader,  and also consider what that looks like for members of my team. In my role it is necessary to continue pushing and evolving teaching staff to build their own capacity. This is where knowledge of others becomes so crucial, the ability to read body language, understand the nuances in their behaviour and communication so that the right challenges are made at the right time. I won't naively assume that I've got this aspect right, but my own knowledge of the importance of this feature is evolving, the mere fact that it is top-of-mind allows it to be part of my toolkit.

So, where to next? Professional reading, regularly attending coaching sessions with the senior leadership team at HPPS and availing myself of time with teachers and leaders I respect is key to building my own capacity. Continuing to read and learn from avenues outside of education is also important, both as a teacher and as a leader. I count myself lucky that all those I respect see leadership and growth as a journey. Thanks to all who have contributed so far, your ongoing patience, humour and willingness to be part of the crew make it all worthwhile.

Embracing my green brain

I'm embracing my green/red/blue/yellow brain this year, I tend to be very yellow as a preference, present as almost square-like in profile but green collapses when stressed and yellow becomes dominant.

This is the type of conversation that you'll often hear amongst the staff at HPPS. It's indicative of understanding our Hermann's Whole Brain Thinking profile and acknowledging that we are all different, that we need to be considerate of our differences and utilise all preferences in our collaborative teams. Even during the interview process for new staff, a mini profile is created and I remember how this altered the way I dealt with many people. Nicole, my new teaching buddy arrived back from a PD session about her profile and it has brought a new understanding of each other as well as a added a layer of humour to what we do.

2016 has become a year to embrace my green brain.

In the middle of term 1 I took up the challenge of the Sports Coordinator role, it was presented to me as something that would provide some opportunities to extend my organisational skills. I'd already taken on a Mentor Teacher role for one of our new staff, was forming a new team with Nicole in LC4 and wasn't sure how I would cope. As I drove home that night, I considered the extra work load, the time available to do this work and a lingering doubt about my ability to do the job to the level I'd expect of myself.

I believe I have a growth mindset, however, I have a continuous fear of not looking capable in front of my colleagues or wider school community, no doubt its tied to my ego. It's a nagging doubt and does inspire me to work harder so that I get things to the level I want. I also need to ensure that I face problems with a solution-oriented mindset, together these approaches to create some significant expectations and pressures that are all of my own making.


Work life balance clearly was going to become an issue, so I explained the offer to my wife, including what I saw as the positives and negatives. Her response was deserved, "You keep going on about a growth mindset, this is your opportunity to take something on and learn new skills, how can you say no?" Decision made then!

Its not that I'm not organised, but I tend to get distracted easily, am a champion procrastinator and am not excited by lists. My first few weeks of the sports role felt like was I constantly chasing my tail, my email box exploded, morning tea and lunchtime was filled with meetings with students, sorting newsletters and dealing with team registrations. Often my response in these situations is work harder, not necessarily smarter. Worklife balance clearly goes astray when I respond in this way. We had our athletics day on a Friday late in Term 1, so the Thursday was stressful. I did try using a list, Nicole thought this was great but we both had a giggle when I'd lost it by morning tea! I did have a run sheet and had been using it more as a reference point than a tick list. As a teacher, I am organised, planned and generally have things in a modicum of balance but with the various layers of sports there has been a need to refocus my attention. It's not organising the one event that stresses me, the last 2 weeks have involved Athletics, Netball, Rugby, Soccer, Gymnastics and Diving - altogether now, breath! Its required operating across many different organisations, various calendars, multiple approaches and many different dates.

Our Athletics Day being run successfully on Friday was positive, it was reaching that first completion and knowing that this is all achievable. I just have to keep moving forward and eventually many of the organisational challenges that face will become second nature. Realistically, I'm moving through my own novice to expert cycle and having to apply all I know about event management to get me through.

I recently presented a session on Reading to the PRTs at the Learning Network. In the 30 minutes before the session they met with a Continuity Leader, one of the PRTs was sharing that her Mentor Teacher has many roles at her school and she was finding it hard to get meetings. It struck a chord as I too undertake many of these same roles so I checked in with my BT as to my accessibility but decided that it needs to be something that I raised during school coaching

During coaching, we've been discussing my roles and how I can organise myself better, not in some micromanaging way though. More from the perspective of getting systems in place, becoming better at asking for support or delegating tasks to others. We have been concentrating on "How might I manage the sports role so that others can support me?" Its  about knowing what resources to tap into at the right time, there is an array of parents, teachers and management with useful expertise, not to mention the multitude of sports organisations.

Run sheets and checklists are slowly going to become my norm, they're supplemented by calendars, due dates and complemented by gear lists, budgets, wish lists and overviews. There's a healthy dose of blue and yellow, mixed with a super-sized portion of green and some red so that you don't forget you're dealing with people. It has been an incredible challenge and to be perfectly honest has had its fair share of learning pits.

What does this all mean for me and for sport at HPPS?

The holidays were shaping as a time to get some newsletters and registrations organised in advance, prepare for several events and get the budgets/wishlists updated to reflect 2016. All so that Term 2 would look proactive, rather than reactive. We've now participated in the first North Harbour Rippa Rugby tournament, have a sports section on the school website and begun forming a sports team.

My main focus is that LC4, its parent community and Nicole all get the best of me. I was employed to be a teacher first and foremost, therefore  I have to manage everything else so they all get the Reid they deserve. Sport is a secondary, albeit significant, focus.

Interview process = Professional Development

"We'd like to offer you a job...."

The words I'd been dying to hear since completing an interview with Daniel Birch, his staff and students at Hobsonville Point Primary School (HPPS).  A statement that signalled the journey I'd travelled and the slightly overwhelming one that was to begin. The application process was one of the most rigorous I'd undertaken and even if I'd missed the job it could be seen as great PD.

The application process included many aspects:
1. Information Evening
2. Application form, notably including 1 page to comment on the statement: “No generation in history has ever been so thoroughly prepared for the industrial age as the current generation”.
3. Observation of you teaching in your own classroom.
4. 5 minute Ignite-style presentation about you as a teacher, presented to audience of other shortlisted candidates, HPPS staff and selected students.
5. Hermann's Brain session with staff and students at HPPS.
6. Teamwork & communication exercise with staff & students.
7. Formal interview.

Even on the face of it the HPPS application process (the high school follows a similar system, I believe) is quite exhausting and no doubt puts many potential applicants off. In my third year at Henderson North, I'd decided that this was the year to watch for schools where there would be significant learning for me as a teacher, this definitely fulfilled all the criteria. I wasn't going to be put off by the application process although once I was shortlisted I quickly recognised how daunting it was going to be.

As a relatively new teacher my first wake up call was when I approached my principal to ask for a reference. While she supported my journey, she was sceptical if I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. Had I checked out the school? Did I want to take some release time to spend some time there? I was convinced as I'd already spent time there during the BYOD 2014 conference, an Ignite Evening and the #Edchatnz14 conference, as well as having attended an information evening. I can understand why a member of an SMT would express scepticism, naturally they don't want to lose people for any number of reasons.

Once shortlisted, I approached my principal to discuss the request for some release time to complete tasks 4 - 7, and permission for the observation to take place in my classroom. I wasn't aware about tasks 3-7 when I began the process, naturally I'd assumed that an interview would take place but the rest was a complete eye opener. Imagine my surprise when I told my principal, she was wowed by the lengths HPPS went to, as in her experience many schools wouldn't go to that length for any position other than a principal. As it happened I was incredibly lucky that my principal was very accommodating, permitting the in-class observation and the release time. During the appointment process to fill my position and others at HNS, as well as my own journey, we discovered that not all principals were as accommodating.

Being a typical teacher, I over-planned the observation that would take place in my own classroom at HNS. Daniel's emails outlined the purpose of the observation, the relationship between teacher and students. I believed that it wasn't quite so simple, I was inviting my prospective employer into my space so anything could influence their impression of me (I'd been in interview-mode since the moment I attended the information evening). This had me critiquing my wall space, desk and many other aspects of the class. I was also being mindful of everything in my digital profile, as I knew Daniel followed my twitter account. For the record, the observation went fine from my perspective, my kids showed their charm and the wifi went a tad slow.

Like most people I get a little nervous before speaking to an audience of peers, but these were genuine competitors for something I wanted.  Extra pressure wasn't difficult to find! I managed to find myself presenting last too which just ramps up the nerves. The presentations were definitely a mixed bag and highlighted the need to practice, manage your time well and be confident with technology. The purpose for the presentations was that HPPS have hosted over 1000 visits in the short time since opening, if you aren't comfortable with being watched, teaching there may be difficult.

Next step was a small Hermann's Brain Analysis together with other candidates and students of the school, clearly this gave you a chance to relate with other people including children. Hermann's Brain takes quiz answers and uses them to illustrate your thinking preferences. As groups, including students, we sat down and talked about the results.

The small group exercise followed, groups of teachers working on an effective communication unit. Brainstorming ideas, thinking about assessment and teaching points, most importantly I felt this was an excellent opportunity to demonstrate your understanding of the HPPS way.

Then a formal interview with senior management, I hardly remember the questions now but I always find that I indulge in a lot of post-interview self-analysis. It has never been worthwhile as it leads to a lot of soul searching and 'what-ifs'.

Evidently, I must have gone ok as I secured a position.

Whilst I think some readers will benefit from understanding just how complicated some employment processes are becoming, I don't believe that HPPS is indicative of other schools and it appears that you really have to be prepared to put yourself out there. All opportunities to engage in PD and share your own learning are helping you towards that next position, I'd delivered several presentations by the time I delivered this one so it wasn't as daunting as it may have been. For new teachers especially, I think being involved in an interview process such as this has to be beneficial, it definitely challenges you and demands the growth mindset that we ask of our students.

If I hadn't secured a position there would still have been benefits for my PD:

• Casting a slightly different critical eye over my own classroom and its machinations led to some changes in wall displays, teaching styles, and classroom management of some students.
• Representing myself as a teacher in a presentation was challenging. What do you include (or not)? In hindsight it was a great reflection tool and it was no wonder that it took ages to prepare.
• Visiting schools is always valuable, this process involved time at HPPS with and without students, did I have more ideas for my classroom? Absolutely. 
• The Hermann's Brain analysis was interesting, although we didn't complete a full diagnostic test it did help me to understand my own thinking and that of others slightly better. HPPS use a full test to help staff but that's another whole post! 
• Writing on the Industrial Revolution helped cement some of my own views on current teaching practices and made me question the direction that some units/topics take within the classroom.
• On a personal note, I found it invigorating to refresh my CV, meet others who were challenging themselves by applying and just talking with these people. 

So I have a new job, I began the induction process shortly after being told I was a successful applicant as Daniel shared some suggested reading lists.  We then spent two days doing induction during term 4, as well as a meeting or two after school. There are high demands, but that was part of the attraction. My growth mindset is definitely switched on!